Sweeeeet Hi-Density Home Alabama

In preparation for my Fifty State Campaign (tm), I chopped the US map into 48* hideous picture files. The images are blurry, pixelated, and barely discernible as states. Consider them garishly colored Rorschachs. For instance, I think Alabama is the spitting image of the SimCity Plymouth Arcos.

One of the things that has always troubled me about Alabama is how it seems like Florida totally dicked the state out of a whole mess of coastline. Look at a map (a real map, that blurry shit above is useless). Alabama has a little widget of coast in the Mobile area, and then Florida stretches its greasy panhandle all up into what should be Alabama's natural beach line. Florida has plenty enough with its fat dongle hanging off the edge of the country. Why's Florida gotta be a dick and take that? Give 'em Pensacola already. I'd be more inclined to visit the panhandle if it weren't a panhandle.

I've never been to 'Bama, but my parents did get a small house there as a wedding present, from my Dad's Dad. I'm pretty sure they got rid of it, else I'd have seen about checking it out. I'd be content moving anywhere for a spare house. A free house would be plain awesome. The allure of a near-free home is so tempting, I've considered investing in a red paperclip.

Note to any home-owners: I'm eager to purchase your property with any color paper clip you choose. If it's in Alabama, all the better.


*Hawaii and Alaska not included-- weren't in the shot and too lazy to take more. I'll sub in a guava for Hawaii or something. And, like, fuck Alaska; it's had its day already.

The Whistle-Stop Blog Tour

Hey, so, returning to blogging merits some sort of commemoration. Bouncing off my Alaska post below, I think it's only (only) fitting that I take a cue from political superstar and God-favored wunderkind Barack Obama and set off on my own Fifty State Campaign. I plan to make a post highlighting, mentioning, or vaguely referencing each of these wonderful united states.

Followers of my once-daily Facebook Monopoly tour are already familiar with my track record with monotonous, pattern-driven content. As incentive to "get around the board" once again, friend-of-the-blog (FOTB) Noga has put up a shiny dollar as bounty for completion.

With dedication, perseverance, and dedication, this Fifty State Campaign will surely lead to victory. I'm hopeful and confident that I CAN win the internet. Thank you, and God Bless America!