I bet you think this set design is about you?

Don't you?

Mad Men Made Me

Twhat?

Head's up! I'm gonna try this damn twitter craze. I'm probably 6 months late on the meme, but maybe the structure will keep me more motivated to update. I'll still tend to this blog biannually or whenever, and use it for longer writing. To that end, get. a. load. of this:

A Cephalophile's Tale

It was a crisp black-and-gray tattoo with pink highlights that hugged the side of her torso. Kendra had plenty of tattoos -- a rose on her ankle, a star on her wrist, a kanji symbol on the shoulder she prayed was 'nature' -- but it was the delicate octopus on her side that stood out. The creature wrapped around her possessively, clutching at her stomach, her back, and her left hip. When Kendra slept on her side, her arm would rest on top of the tattoo like an embrace. After sex, she would wrap my arm around her, pulling it over the same spot. To me, it just felt like sloppy seconds.

A long (short) journey (story) starts with the first (first) step (paragraph)!

CALLED IT, bitches.

OH, well look at what shorty Johnny Mac just chose to ride in his sidecar. I made that half-court shot of a prediction three MONTHS ago. Okay, maybe I posed it as a musing instead of a prediction, but I still invite the established punditocracy to suck it. And by it, I mean my fat, floppy, turgid political savvy.

Three months ago I said Palin as VP would shore up the women vote and the horny dude vote. On further inspection, Palin is really hot. This continues to secure heterosexual men. (And homosexual men need only to look back at photos from McCain's youth.) Women, however, will not be won over by her distract-their-husbands'-attention good looks. Just as men would not vote for Jared Leto, women will shy from Sarah Palin. McCain has made his half-court shot, and bricked it.

J-Mac shoulda went for the warhawk jew vote in Lieberman.


Edit: LOLLOL Palin says "nucular."

Editedit: Honestly, getting to my non-kneejerk non-reductive opinion on the pick, this seems like a pretty dicey choice. McCain is asking that voters forgo traditional women's interests (he and Palin wish to repeal Roe v. Wade, for example) for women's advancement in politics. That's not an easy trade-off to accept. For that matter, it's not an easy trade-off to reject, either. Lady VP or an Equal Rights Amendment? It'll spark some hearty feminist debates, but I imagine most people will side with their traditional political leanings in the end.

"And finally, the most important Women’s News item there is, we have our first serious female presidential candidate in Hillary Clinton. Women have come so far as feminists, that they don’t feel obligated to vote for a candidate just because she’s a woman. Women today feel perfectly free to make whatever choice Oprah tells them to." - Tina Fey

Sweeeeet Hi-Density Home Alabama

In preparation for my Fifty State Campaign (tm), I chopped the US map into 48* hideous picture files. The images are blurry, pixelated, and barely discernible as states. Consider them garishly colored Rorschachs. For instance, I think Alabama is the spitting image of the SimCity Plymouth Arcos.

One of the things that has always troubled me about Alabama is how it seems like Florida totally dicked the state out of a whole mess of coastline. Look at a map (a real map, that blurry shit above is useless). Alabama has a little widget of coast in the Mobile area, and then Florida stretches its greasy panhandle all up into what should be Alabama's natural beach line. Florida has plenty enough with its fat dongle hanging off the edge of the country. Why's Florida gotta be a dick and take that? Give 'em Pensacola already. I'd be more inclined to visit the panhandle if it weren't a panhandle.

I've never been to 'Bama, but my parents did get a small house there as a wedding present, from my Dad's Dad. I'm pretty sure they got rid of it, else I'd have seen about checking it out. I'd be content moving anywhere for a spare house. A free house would be plain awesome. The allure of a near-free home is so tempting, I've considered investing in a red paperclip.

Note to any home-owners: I'm eager to purchase your property with any color paper clip you choose. If it's in Alabama, all the better.


*Hawaii and Alaska not included-- weren't in the shot and too lazy to take more. I'll sub in a guava for Hawaii or something. And, like, fuck Alaska; it's had its day already.

The Whistle-Stop Blog Tour

Hey, so, returning to blogging merits some sort of commemoration. Bouncing off my Alaska post below, I think it's only (only) fitting that I take a cue from political superstar and God-favored wunderkind Barack Obama and set off on my own Fifty State Campaign. I plan to make a post highlighting, mentioning, or vaguely referencing each of these wonderful united states.

Followers of my once-daily Facebook Monopoly tour are already familiar with my track record with monotonous, pattern-driven content. As incentive to "get around the board" once again, friend-of-the-blog (FOTB) Noga has put up a shiny dollar as bounty for completion.

With dedication, perseverance, and dedication, this Fifty State Campaign will surely lead to victory. I'm hopeful and confident that I CAN win the internet. Thank you, and God Bless America!