An Unceremonious Return

Discovery Channel's Alaska Experiment should have a Californian counterpoint. Unsuspecting volunteers from rural America would get dropped off in Los Angeles, forced to fend for themselves in the treacherous Southern Californian cityscape. They'd stockpile supplies of sunscreen, crushed ice, and margarita mix, preparing for the harsh summer months ahead.

For what it's worth, I'd like to think I'd be pretty great on The Alaska Experiment. I'd have a grande ole time shooting mountain goats, canning salmon, chopping firewood. The main drag though would be the minor squabbles with my partner that would get blown out of proportion in the editing room. That, and 5-to-2 odds I'd go Donner party on the cameraman by mid February.

Realistically, though, any trek of mine* to the Alaskan wilderness will end up like Into the Wild. I'll act like I'm hot shit traipsing across the tundra, before I eat some paralyzing plant and die from starvation. Box me up in pine if you find me.*

There's another "Alaska Experiment" with a whole lot less fan-fare and a whole lot more awesome. This documentary, Alone in the Wilderness, follows this salty old dog of a man who moves to Alaska in the 1960s and builds his own log cabin. The guy wasn't fucking around, he BUILT that thing with his two hands and maybe three tools. Also, another tangentially bad-ass fact about the movie, the guy shot the footage himself with an old Bolex. The movie is just narration and footage. Beautifully simple.


*Not so unrealistic.
**My uncle has stipulated in his will that his ashes are to be disbursed in Alaska. Another excellent option!


Alaskan Addendum: If John McCain wants to win the election in November, he only needs to pick Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. This former Miss Alaska shores up the male vote with the looks, she shores up the female vote with the vagina sisterhood. Hermaphrodites are still up for grabs.